Leaving my marriage was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The struggle was overwhelming. Like you, I clung to certain things, like the new bookshelves I always wanted and finally had. But in the end I realized it was all just stuff and what I really wanted was a chance find loving healthy relationship. It’s been 5 years since I left and I haven’t yet found that person. But when I think about returning to my ex I shudder inside. I’d much rather be on my own and alone than with him.
I wish you the best on this journey. It’s not an easy one but for me divorce ended up being the best decision. Only you can decide if it’s best for you.