Hi Ruth, Thank you for your thoughtful comment. Maybe I missed the mark with my story. I would never tell the victims you mentioned they contributed to their assault. That’s just plain wrong.

What I was advocating for is the non-cheating spouse to take care of themselves by getting in touch with how they feel, getting help, getting to the bottom of why this happened, and then discerning their direction.

Affairs happen for many different reasons. Mine was a cry for help. I felt unappreciated and unloved. At that point, I had zero self-worth. Blaming and shaming me would only have compounded my pain. I needed my spouse to understand why I did what I did. Yes, there were things I could have done better. I take full responsibility for that. But there were things he could have done better as well.